I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
