i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
