Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
