I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
