Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
