I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
