Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
