You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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