Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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