That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
