That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
