Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
