Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
