I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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