She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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