How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
