So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
