Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ladies don't puke and tell
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
