My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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