he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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