so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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