It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Let's paint friendship bongs
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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