We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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