I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
