it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
