Plan B is the new Plan A
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
