sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
