Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
