Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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