Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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