Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
