I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
