I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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