Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
