My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Life is so much better after having sex.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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