Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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