I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
