she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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