sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
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