dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do vagina's smell?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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