I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
