forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
