I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
