brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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