White coat. Heels.
I want to make a zoo with you.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
