life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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