Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
