loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
