not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
