I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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