Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
