I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
