I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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