Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
