she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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