I can't watch pbs sober anymore
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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