**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
