i would punch a child for taco bell
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
