Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
