: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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