I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
