How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
