the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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