So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
