Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
