is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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