what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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