He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
