Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
