Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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