I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
