I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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