At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
