if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
