Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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