obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
