my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
