she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
