so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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