i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
