Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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