i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
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And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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