hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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