The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
