We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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