So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
