she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
