How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
