just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
