Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
