I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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