dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
